Life for a millennial woman can get overwhelming. This is especially true when she feels like she’s the only woman who is struggling to juggle 6 dozen responsibilities at any given moment. Most of us are managing family, career, purpose, church, school or any combination of the above. And if we’re lucky, we find a way to pencil in some time for ourselves.

The chaos of multitasking can take its toll! Its a frustrating and isolating feeling when you are [seemingly] the only one who is loosing the battle against work-life balance. After all, your social media feeds will have you thinking that you’re the only one loosing your car keys…again, running late to your kid’s track practice or on the verge of another life crisis. We’ve all been there, silently questioning whether we are doing life right.

Don’t get me wrong, everyone’s life gets hectic. But us entrepreneurial women have a unique set of tasks and expectations placed on us. Aside from business building, we are expected to dote on our spouses, raise up our children, excel at our careers, run a household and forge a sisterhood, simultaneously. It’s hard out here for a pimp MAMA. But we push through by any means necessary, even if it’s at our own expense.

Why do we work so hard to tend to the rest of our responsibilities? The bottom line is because society applauds you for being a martyr. That’s why the hashtag #TeamNoSleep has 1.9 million mentions on Instagram alone. There is a certain sense of honor and respect in grinding and sacrificing. But its easy to take ‘sacrificing’ too far. The problem is that for today’s women, juggling has become not so much what we can do, but who we are. I mean, juggling and grinding is pretty much a prerequisite for being a womanpreneur. It seems like we’re all in a competition for who can be the busiest. Being considered a superwoman has its appeal, however, its detrimental to think that we can be everything, to everybody, all of the time. Not if we want to honor our own well being as well, anyway.

Think about it, when our task lists become lengthy and our pretty little planners are popping open, what is usually the first to go? We eliminate ourselves! We skip the gym or push our manicure appointment back a week. At first we think nothing of it. I mean it’s just one appointment right? Right, until one day we look up and realize that we haven’t had drinks with our girls in months or that our eyebrows have practically grown together. We eliminate our self first because there’s seemingly no repercussion. We aren’t missing a deadline nor do we have to deal with the guilt of letting somebody down. Those tasks that are easily qualified by other people get to stay on the calendar. They make the cut, self care doesn’t.

We become so focused on being #GoalDiggers that the moment that we do take time for ourselves the guilt creeps in. Our mind immediately starts to calculate how many other things can get done if we forgo that brow appointment or what marketing tools we could invest in if we don’t schedule that deep tissue massage. We don’t want to feel like we’re slacking off or not being productive.

Self care is not a luxury, its a necessity! We have to dedicate time to rejuvenate our bodies, not to mention refresh our mindset. We should indulge in me time. Enjoy things like books, bubble baths and body butters. Try a new pinot or purchase a new beauty product. We also need to invest in self care routines like going to the doctor, seeing a therapist and taking time to travel and experience other cultures. Self care also means not over extending yourself. You simply cant be willing to pour more of yourself into other people than you are willing to pour into yourself. Make taking care of yourself a priority so that you are in the best position to take care of those around you. Create boundaries for yourself that protect your priorities. If you don’t neither will anyone else.

Taking care of yourself gives you a confidence that will help to elevate you. This confidence in turn fosters fresh connections and brand new opportunities. Taking care of your body and spirit not only promotes health and wellness in general, but it allows you to move through your day at a higher vibration. When your mood is positive, that is reflected in the energy that you put out. The universe responds by bringing you good energy as well! #AllOfThisWinning

As any millennial mom knows, handling multiple responsibilities often times means a stretched budget. But “me time” can be inexpensive or even free. It’s more about stealing moments to celebrate yourself and recharge. For a list of ways to indulge in some much needed “me time” on the cheap, be sure to check out my article in May’s issue of Fierce Life Magazine.

So #GrindGoddesses, what is the most common obstacle that keeps you from following through with self care? What are some ways that you choose recharge?


Check out my contribution to the April issue of Fierce Life Magazine!

As some of you may know, I’ve been lucky enough to land a gig as a contributor for Fierce Life Magazine. Here’s an excerpt from the issue that’s on eStands now!

EXCERPT:   “Two of the most challenging, but rewarding endeavors you’ll likely ever pursue are raising kids and birthing a business. Both will require hard work. Both will require that you step outside of your comfort zone and step into your purpose. The struggle WILL be real…but so will that glow up!…”

To read more, get the April issue of Fierce Life Magazine today!


Working hard? Or Hardly Working? #MomLife

Is it Friday yet? No? Why does it always seem like we’ve done a week’s worth of work when it’s only hump day? But with so many of us juggling a family, a career, a side hustle and our sanity, I guess its just par for the course, huh? Being busy is almost seen as a badge of honor for today’s multitasking millennials. I mean, so much to do in so little time… Overbooked is a good problem to have…one would think.

But lets not confuse being busy with being productive. Starting a list of projects will indeed keep you busy but if you haven’t followed any of them through to the end then you haven’t PRODUCED anything. If you’re doing a bunch of “stuff” but not slaying a damn thing, then what’s the point? Dont just do stuff, get stuff DONE!

And trust me, I’ve been guilty of being “busy doing nothing”  myself, as most creatives are. We’ve got grandiose ideas and lofty goals for days, but the reality is we just cannot pursue everything all at one time. Not only is burn out inevitable but our ideas dont get the time and attention that they deserve and NEED to flourish. In other words…we’re tired and we’re half-assing. No bueno. 

So how do we remedy this? Well you’ve all heard the phrase “Go BIG or go home”, right? Well forget you’ve ever heard it! It implies that only things done on a grand scale are things that are worth doing. Unfortunately, that keeps us busy arbitrarily chasing after big shiney things instead of actually completing series’ of smaller tasks. What I’m finding to be a much better and more important phrase is to “Move with INTENTION or not at all”. Get clear and specific about what your goals are and take small calculated steps to move closer to those goals. After all, small steps lead to great progress.

Its better to be tired from actually getting ish done than to be exhausted and left wondering “wait, what exactly did I do again?” The goal is productivity and moving closer to your end goal. Clarity + Intention = Results

Be intentional, I promise the right results will happen.

 Here’s to working hard, NOT hardly working!

#momlife #mompreneur #busymom 

I Choose Dopeness.

A few weeks ago I was set to blog about dating your spouse. I had a cute little “Summer Date Bucket List” printable and a nice little graphic all picked out and scheduled to post. But that morning, the first work day back after July 4th weekend, we were rocked with news of the murders of #AltonSterling and the next day #PhilandoCastille and the next day the #Dallas5. And in an instant what I had to talk about seemed less than trivial.

The following two weeks were a blur. While juggling my hectic life and all that it entails, I also had to deal with the feelings of hurt and sadness and anger as I watched a firestorm erupt as our nation became seemingly even more divided arguing over whose lives matter more or not at all. 

Was this the first time we’ve seen cases of excessive or unnecessary deadly force exerted by police? No. Was this the first debate on race relations in America to play out in the media? No. But there was something about this particular series of events that became very overwhelming, very fast. I had to step back and make a conscious decision not to let what was going on in the media consume me because there were definitely a few moments where I felt helpless and exhausted. I felt like my spirit was under attack. I felt like retreating. Scratch that…I did retreat.


I had to actively protect my spirit. I had to make the decision to continue working on being the best me (wife, mom, entrepreneur…) and the best representation of ‘Black Girl Magic’ that I could be even when I felt like it was pointless and hopeless. During this time it made me think though. #BlackGirlMagic doesnt manifest in spite of our tribulations but perhaps because of them. Because of our setbacks, our subsequent comebacks, and even our clapbacks we are able to showcase exactly what we’re made of. Our resiliance is so unbelievable and undeniable that it is in fact magical. We decide to be dope. Because trust me, as a Black woman in this country being dope doesnt happen by accident. It’s absolutely by decision. 

So I had to make the decision to only give energy to things that feed my soul…to continue to inspire and be inspired by those around me…and to be proactive about exploring my purpose. Life WILL continue to knock the wind out of us from time to time. We just have to choose to not let it take us out the game. 

When its all said and done, I choose to be dope, decidedly. 

Be Your Best Self…Not Someone Else’s Best Selfie

Growing up, we were always warned to not try and “keep up with the Joneses”. Basically to abandon the idea of struggling to maintain the same accumulation of notoriety, exploits or material possesions as the people around us. The Joneses should not be the benchmark for your success, social class or status. But nowadays the Joneses are not just our neighbors accross the way. The Joneses are everyone on our social media feeds. And its even more detrimental to attempt to keep up with them. 

Stop trying to live up to impossible standards that ultimately you’ve created in your head. Stop looking at these Instagram and Facebook updates and thinking that everyone but you has it all together. Don’t drink the KoolAid.

I mean think about it… Consider a selfie (running with this social media analogy). Think about how many pics you take before you decide on the perfect selfie. I know I take no less then a dozen. Each having the slightest difference in lighting or tilt of the head. Then you’ve gotta crop it. Maybe throw on a filter or four. All this time and effort funneled into a pic that is meant to look spur of the moment and effortless, a pic that you of course hashtag #WokeUpLikeThis. Nobody is actually posting their self while they still have crust in their eye and pillow case creases in their face. People are posting the end result. 

So why on earth would you think that when it comes to major life moments and accomplishments people are going to do anything other than post their very best of the best. We wont see all of the time and effort it took to get to that point. All we see is the final edit pic they posted that was beautifully staged to look spur of the moment and effortless. The missteps and failures are cropped out. The blood sweat & tears have been filtered. All we see is the end result.

This is why we have to be mindful to not get caught up in trying to outdo or even to match other people’s end result. Getting caught up in using others, and their seemingly perfect lives, as your benchmark is a recipe for disaster. It will have you thinking that you are missing your mark and underperforming. It will have you running around wondering what you’re doing wrong. It will have you so busy counting the things that you arent achieving that you absolutely ignore the successes that you are steadily wracking up.

And then what? We’re walking around feeling like we’ve failed, that’s what. We are left second guessing our self and feeling inferior and ready to throw in the towel. This is not our best self. 

Our best self is draped in grace, swaft in confidence, smells like ambition and eats, sleeps and breathes hustle. We are wonderfully and fearfully made and so we must act accordingly. 

Comparison is the thief of joy so dont let anybody rob you of taking delight in your own  milestones and accomplishments. And even in your own errors and lessons. The joy is in the journey and I dont know about you but I dont want to miss any of it! 

So the moral of the story is to TRUST YOUR DOPENESS! Your vision is YOURS for a reason. Because nobody else can slay it like you. The moment you stop sweating everybody elses [staged] selfie, is the moment you become your best self! Now let’s GO!

#TrustYourDopeness #TheJoyIsInTheJourney #ComparisonIsTheThiefOfJoy

Lebron Lessons

Perserverence is key! When you’re up against all odds is when you get to show people what you’re made of. Too often we get stuck in the “brainstorming” phase or the planning stage. We linger in this limbo because we’re too busy calculating risks and analyzing odds. One of the Tribe Members calls this analysis paralysis

So whats that got to do with BronBron? Well, looking at my social media timelines, which had previously been divided about 60/40, Golden State, were pretty one sided last night. Only the Cleveland fans seemed to be awake. Could it be possible that all of the Warrior fans had fallen asleep on the game? Or were they all just in their feelings? Most likely the latter. 

But nonetheless, one by one even some of the die hard #KingJames haters are giving him props this morning. His greatness is undeniable…even if people are only willing to admit it for a quick sec. (As I fully expect most of these posts to be deleted by lunchtime)

Think about it. This man rallied his team to win a championship for his city…in game 7…after being down 3 to 1…on the other team’s home turf. The man had a goal. The end. It didnt matter how many teams before his had ever come back from that 3 to 1 deficit or how many people counted him out long before the season even started. What counted was that HE never counted himself out. Perseverence is the key!

So the lesson? Identify your goals and pursue them with relentless enthusiasm! Obstacles, naysayers and odds be damned! As long as you believe in you then your goal IS attainable.

Improbable doesnt mean impossible! 

So what ideas have you stuck in the brainstorming stage? What projects have you been reluctant (scared) to start? Starting a business? Launching a podcast or YouTube channel? Lobbying for a promotion? Please share!

It Takes A Village…

So now that we’ve established that “Having it All” is a legit possibility, lets talk about how we actively work toward that goal!

First and foremost… A team is essential!!
Rome wasn’t built in a day and it most certainly was not built by one weary individual running on little more than Starbucks and 3.75 hours of shut eye!
A huge misconception about having it all, is that one has to attain it all on their own! And that just isn’t true.

If your goals are lofty (and they should be) then there is no way that any one person can (or even should) attempt to go at it solo. If you try to to travel the road all by your lonesome you will most certainly face burnout. And well, that is just counterproductive.

But lets be real…we’ve all been there. Whether too stubborn, too selfish or simply to stupid to realize that we are mothers, not martyrs, we take the position of us against the world far too often.  I call this Super Woman syndrome. I mean, sure we take pride when Beyonce reminds us that we are “strong enough to bare the children, then get back to bidness”. And depending on your age it was either Chaka or Whitney that taught us that we were “Every Woman” But if excellence is the goal then part of the plan has GOT to be working smarter and not harder.

For whatever reason a lot of women feel like they have to prove that they can carry the load on their own. For a long time, for me anyway, it wasn’t so much that I wanted to prove anything to anyone, per se. But because of my family size when it came to things like carpooling or babysitting I never wanted to feel like my kids were somebody else’s burden (Truth be told, I still struggle with this sometimes). I never wanted anybody to think that my husband and I couldn’t handle raising our own kids. So not only would I not ask for help but I would decline help when it was offered (What was wrong with me?!)

But then I started realizing that even families with only one or two kids were relying on grandparents and neighbors for help daily. Yet here I was with an S on my chest…but I was tired, cranky and short with my family…and at the end of the day I wasn’t even getting “Everything” done! I was tired of being mean mommy. So I got my self together real quick. I realized that I would get a lot more accomplished without depleting ALL of my energy and patience if I enlisted the help of others. It makes me a far better wife and it leaves me with a lot more energy and patience for my kids. Win, win. It also helps my to not feel overwhelmed and scatter brained. Win squared.

Now when I say team do I mean a chef, chauffeur and personal assistant? Not necessarily. It’s like the old proverb says, “It takes a village to grind effectively! (that’s the saying, right?) So things like splitting dinner duties with your spouse is team building. Delegating chores to your children is team building. Forming a babysitting co-op with your friends who also have kids is team building! Whatever it is that helps achieve the ultimate goal of greatness that you have for your family yet keeps you sane so that your family actually wants to be around you is how you build your team!

And if you are in the position to hire professionals to expand your team even further then by all means compare the cost to the benefit and do what ya gotta do. If securing a maid service to clean up once or twice a week gives you the time and energy to create a bedtime routine that you can enjoy with your kids each night, then its worth it! If finding yourself a personal trainer who can tell you exactly what you need to do to attain your fitness goals as opposed to month (…or years) of trial and error, then its worth it!!

Its okay. You don’t get extra kudos for running your self into the ground.

Give yourself permission to accept help. It’s not a luxury, its a necessity.

So who is on your team? Are you good at delegating?

#ItTakesAVillage #TeamBuilding #Greatness

I want it all!…Doesn’t everybody?

There has long since been chatter about whether or not women can have it all.

My opinion? In short…Why the F not?!

How is this even a question? I feel like the generations before us did us a huge disservice by offering this topic up for debate. Its as if women were being discouraged from pursuing more than one avenue in life at a time, without even realizing it. We were made to think that having it all was unattainable and a waste of time to even strive for. I don’t know about you, but since the beginning of time I feel like women were given two options, to either pursue and excel in her career or to become a Suzie Homemaker. Pick one. The end.

Why is that? Is it because historically men have been unable to master the two so how on earth could a little ol’ woman excel at both? But then again, I can’t say that I can even recall a man ever worrying about trying to “have it all” anyway. It doesn’t seem to be as much of “a thing” for them as it is for women.

Or maybe it’s because there’s no general consensus of what having it all even entails. It vaguely seemed to mean a woman who managed to climb the corporate ladder by day, cleaned house and raised 2.5 kids by night while providing both a hot meal and hot sex to her husband each and every evening. Not to mention she’s team mom, PTA president and choir director in her spare time. She vacations once a year and upgrades her car every other. Well with that as a standard, is there any wonder why having it all seems to be out of reach?! For starters, that’s not even what we all want. If you don’t know by now, subscribing to somebody else’s standard will get you in trouble every single time. Every.single.time.

The key to having it all is creating your own lane, defining your own standards and chasing down YOUR own goals with reckless abandon. Not some antiquated roles that society has assigned to us arbitrarily. If it’s not what sets your soul on fire then you’re not going to achieve it. Point blank, period. It’s going to be an epic fail every single time. Every.single.time.

Not only that, but in the process you’ll start to live a life that requires you to dim your spirit or become robotic. And aint nobody got time for that. We are all different. We’ve got different priorities, different purposes and different ideas of what “IT” means so why would we all strive for the same measure of success? Whose idea was that?! How could we ever feel fulfilled or feel like we “have it all” if we’re chasing after ideals that aren’t aligned with what we are personally passionate about?

Your it factor can (and should) be different from my it factor, and that’s ok. We need to abandon the idea that if we’re not doing what the next person is doing [ie; getting a promotion, going natural, starting a business, starting a family…] then we’re inadequate. Or if we don’t have what another person has [material possessions, a certain family structure, degrees…] then we’re inferior. The solution? …Lets customize IT based on self. That way we ALL will ‘have it all’!

Tips for having it all:

1. Identify what you are passionate about. What things/places/activities make your spirit smile? Make those a part of your “It List”.

2. Quantify your goals in life. Be specific. What does successful mean to you? Do not allow someone else’s definition of success to reign over your life. Comparison is the thief of joy.

3. Create a plan of action. How do you plan to achieve your goals? Remember they’re goals, not daydreams. You cant have “it” if you don’t go after “it”.

4. And finally, celebrate your milestones! If all you ever do is highlight your missteps then you’ll never feel like you’re winning at life. Life is about small victories. Things manifest in direct proportion to the amount of energy you devote to it. So don’t sweat the small stuff. You’ll find that your blessings far outweigh your burdens. Life is definitely about learning to celebrate amongst the chaos and not chasing perfection. #TheresJoyInTheJourney

So tell me, what sets your soul on fire? What does having it all mean to you?

Happy Mother’s Day!

My heart is full this Mother’s Day afternoon. Not because of the gifts or the breakfast in bed. Not because of this mango and Martin & Rossi that I’m about to crush in PEACE since the hubby took the kids fishing in an effort to reward me some quiet time.

My heart is full because this year, Mother’s Day has caught me on a day that I am feeling like a true #SuperMom! On any other given Sunday that’s not necessarily the case. Motherhood is the most nerve wracking of life duties that one will ever fulfill. And I don’t always feel so super doing it.

If we can be transparent for a second… Am I the only mom who sometimes feels like I’m not doing it right, I’m drowning in responsibilities, and ultimately screwing up my kids? This ish is HARD! Its during those times though, that I remind myself that the goal is progress and not perfection. Timeouts aren’t just for toddlers. Sometimes you’ve got to pull your self to the side and recognized that your  blessings and mommy successes far outweigh the hardships or mommy missteps.

Today though…today I am feeling like I just might have a knack for this. Looking into the faces of the most courageous, deep thinking, caring, thriving and FUN kids I know…as they praise and gift ME had me all choked up. Its like “wow…they’re mine”. Those moments are where I find confirmation that not only am I enough, but I slay this mommy thing!

So HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY to all the mommies out there who are doing their best but not always giving themselves enough credit!

#HappyMothersDay #YouAreEnough #MotherhoodIsHard!

10 Ways Lemonade Gave Me Everlasting Life!

Saturday afternoon as we all counted down to what we now know as the real B-day, I posted on Facebook speculating about Lemonade being Bey’s next visual album. We all knew that’s what it had to be (…we all knew that, right?). I mean she couldn’t possibly go on a national tour sans new music.
Anywho, when I posted I was asked if I really was a Bey fan…

*lays hand over chest* Ummm…yeah!

But I actually didn’t even understand the question at first. I couldn’t figure out what being a fan had to do with it because fan or not we’re all watching this together. #WorldStop And I’ll be damned if I’m the only one who doesn’t understand any of the memes for the next two weeks!

Lemonade was SO much more than simply a collection of music videos though. It was a journey. Superficially the journey is about a woman healing from infidelity. But you barely have to scratch the surface to realize that the journey was much more. The journey was of Black women, period. This mini film is the story of ‘us’ breaking generational curses, finding our strength, discovering our worth and alas, redemption.

So here were the top 10 reasons that I GOT MY LIFE during the premier of Lemonade.

And let me preface this by saying that these are just the initial ways because I absolutely plan on watching it at least 2 more times this week and dissect it for the meat!

1. It was a platform for a conversation about and between black women near and far. For 60 minutes (and at least another 60 afterwards) I had delightful banter with friends and strangers alike…albeit 140 characters at a time. I was texting and tweeting one minute and trying to keep up with my Facebook timeline the next. I even attended a Lemonade viewing party via Periscope. It was Ladies Night on uppers!

2. Lemonade is 100% unfiltered, unapologetic, Afro-Centric feminism. It’s always refreshing when an artist (or anyone, for that matter) stands in their truth especially when there’s much to gain if they don’t. There seems to be an overwhelming need to please the masses and be cookie cutter, manufactured versions of ourselves. Beyonce has every reason to ‘play it safe’ in order to solidify her place as Queen and to not ‘rock the boat’ and upset ‘massah’. But ‘Yonce said puppet strings be damned! Oh y’all thought because Bey sports long golden tresses and wears Tom Ford and Givenchy that she wasn’t woke?! *sucks teeth*

3. ReRe! No, not RiRi…ReRe! How long have we all been seeing/hearing/reading whispers about how ‘masculine’ Serena Williams is? Well with those killer curves, chocolate skin and that all-eyes-on-me strut, Serena said “Masculine where?! #TellEmBoyBye!” And did you see how Ms. Williams was twerking and body rolling ‘fo the GAWDS’, honey?! I was ready to make her my sister-wife, I kid you not. #Sorry, I ain’t sorry!

4. That glimpse of Bey’s pregnant belly. ‘Yonce guards her private life like the crypt keeper so to see a candid, intimate moment, you cant help but to say “awww!” Plus Beyonce was my preggo buddy. So whenever I see pics of her when she was carrying Blue Ivy it automatically reminds me of when I was pregnant with my last little one.

5 and 6 were the visuals! Between the settings and costume designs, I was enamored! There was fire, there was water. There was full rich color, there was black & white. There was pretty, there was grit. Lemonade gives us weeks, maybe months worth of imagery to take in and scrutinize.

5. Each set was meticulously staged. The composition of every frame kept your eyes dancing around the screen. There was so much to absorb that I’m confident when I watch it again it will be like the first time. The lighting itself was like a character in the story. It guided us how to feel through each chapter. We went from dark and moody to warm and fuzzy and back. (Its the lighting that had me low key scared that I was being inducted into a cult at one point.)

6. The garb! I don’t know where to begin or end. I do know that I saw homage being paid across the #BlackGirlMagic spectrum. From Nefertiti to Carmen Jones and so many in between. My head is spinning as I recall all of the wearable art. Breathtaking. The clothing provided points of reference for the mood and tone of every stop along the journey. Beyonce is the queen of alter ego and Lemonade served as the runway for the ultimate series of persona shifts. From hoodies to floor length furs, Bey served the kids!

7. The Hashtag Ministry! Your girl was throwing out one liners like the shade of an old Savannah Oak, far and wide. And I was there for it! I’m in the Embellish Studio NOW getting my coffee mug life together.
#DustToSideChicks #MiddleFingersUp #TenOutOfNine



This! This is my safe place. Whenever my husband pulls me in by the waist and leans into the crook of my neck I know all is well. We’ll stand there as I caress the back of his neck for a lifetime…until his hands eventually travel down to my butt and I have to fake-swat his hands away for being fresh. So this frame of Mr. and Mrs. Carter gave me all the feels.

9. Social justice commentary. This one is obvious to even those who lack melanin. Most notably for me though was Amadou Diallo. Because I remember when the not guilty verdict came down for the 4 cops that pumped 41 bullets into a young black man armed with a wallet. I was in high school when the 23 year old was murdered while minding his business on his doorstep. I think that was my first time really comprehending that the systems that are in place are STILL not for us. The Diallo case is what #woke me up.

10. If you didnt find inspiration to be better, do better and want better then you’re dead inside. It’s as simple as that. You can say what you want about Beyonce Knowles, and many do. You don’t have to like her voice or her songs, you don’t have to think she’s pretty or interviews well…but you WILL respect the genius that is Beyonce!

So did I drink the Kool-Aid Lemonade? Yup, straight guzzled it!

#Lemonade #Formation #HerHecticLife #DaddyLessons #Juggernaut #Growth #Beyonce #JayZ